Dealing with Disappointment
I recently dealt with a situation that was disappointing. It was something professionally that I was working at for quite a while and to be honest, when I did not get the outcome I desired, a wave of frustration and sadness came over me. I would consider myself an overachiever, constantly aspiring for success. I find that living this way keeps me goal oriented, but also sets me up to not achieve everything I set out to do. I think disappointments offer great learning experiences once we figure out the best way to look at them. So, if you are currently dealing with disappointment I encourage you to take the time you need to binge Harry Potter (me), cry it out, go for an intense workout class, etc. Do what you need to do to let yourself feel all your feelings and then come back to this article for next steps.
Look at Your Expectations
Take a look at the expectations you set and truly ask yourself—are they realistic? Do you set your bar too high that it becomes unachievable altogether? It is important when we set goals they challenge and stretch us, but also have some degree of achievability. It is okay to have big dreams, but in order to balance this out when need to have goals that are measurable and attainable in order to build our confidence. According to researcher David Bell, disappointment comes from the disparity between what we expect and what we actually get. Having expectations is natural and completely normal, but managing them becomes important to protect us from disappointment. Managing expectations basically means looking at the reality of the situation as well as what you desire. Seeing both sides and recognizing what you desire may not be as aligned with the reality of the situation is the first step. I would like to differentiate this from dreams. DREAMS SHOULD ALWAYS BE BIG. Goals, on the other hand, are the tiny steps to get there that build confidence and need to be attainable.
Gratitude
It is important to recognize that when your expectations are incredibly far out from your reality it usually boils down to a lack of gratitude. Daily gratitude practices, while difficult when you are experiencing disappointment, play a large role in overall happiness. When handling disappointment take some time to look at the positives currently in your life. With gratitude, it is also worth bringing up the topic of comparison. During periods of disappointment, it is easy to spiral down the rabbit hole of comparison. Social media definitely does not help this situation. When dealing with disappointment and trying to prioritize gratitude it may be best to take a social media break. Start to incorporate daily practices that celebrate the positives in your life and what you have already achieved—personally and professionally.
What Did You Learn
With most disappointments in life also comes a lesson. While it may be a painful one, it is there to help you redefine relationships, goals, and your own personal development. Dig deep and ask yourself what did you learn? Perhaps you learned there is a family member or friend you need to set a stricter boundary with or you learned the importance of networking to build your professional career. Most disappointments, while painful, can serve us down the road by directing our focus and adding to our personal growth portfolio.